Predicted Finish (Pre-Draft)

As nobody will ever read this, I'll resist the temptation to analyze the keepers too much (for now), but here's my pre-draft rankings of the haves and have-nots:

1. Max Power (Part II)
Tim Lincecum
Roy Halladay
Pablo Sandoval
Álex Rodríguez
Evan Longoria
Adam Lind
Aaron Hill
Matt Wieters
Elvis Andrus

2. Dykstra Financial
Matt Holliday
Jacoby Ellsbury
Dustin Pedroia
Derrek Lee
Michael Cuddyer
Billy Butler
Josh Beckett
Justin Verlander
Johan Santana

3. An Old Wooden Ship
Zack Greinke
Chris Carpenter
Carl Crawford
Robinson Canó
Justin Upton
Jon Lester
Justin Morneau
David Wright
Jake Peavy

4. Gammons' Nutsack
Hanley Ramírez
Brandon Phillips
Prince Fielder
Nelson Cruz
Shane Victorino
Kendry Morales
Matt Cain
Cliff Lee
Jair Jurrjens

5. Dongtron
Ryan Howard
Vladimir Guerrero
Andre Ethier
Ian Kinsler
Dan Haren
Scott Kazmir
Neftali Feliz
Howie Kendrick
Jayson Werth

6. PandaBear DeathMarch
Matt Kemp
Félix Hernández
Derek Jeter
Brian Roberts
Ryan Zimmerman
Josh Johnson
Jonathan Broxton
Lance Berkman
Clayton Kershaw

7. Bathtub Flotilla
Ryan Braun
Chase Utley
Troy Tulowitzki
Joey Votto
Andrew McCutchen
Curtis Granderson
Ryan Doumit
Yunel Escobar
Cole Hamels

8. The X Men
Joe Mauer
CC Sabathia
Grady Sizemore
Jonathan Papelbon
José Reyes
Alfonso Soriano
Tommy Hanson
Andrew Bailey
Hunter Pence

9. Gammons Gammons
Mark Teixeira
Ichiro Suzuki
Jimmy Rollins
Chone Figgins
Raúl Ibañez
Edwin Jackson
Scott Feldman
Matt Capps
Scott Baker

10. Codpiece
Jason Bartlett
Carlos Beltrán
Rajai Davis
Adrián González
Carlos Lee
Albert Pujols
Kevin Youkilis
Javier Vázquez
Yovani Gallardo

11. The Stig
Bobby Abreu
Gordon Beckham
Miguel Cabrera
Brian McCann
Carlos Quentin
Aramis Ramírez
Matt LaPorta
Roy Oswalt
Francisco Rodríguez

12. Athletic Supporters
B.J. Upton
Víctor Martínez
Clint Barmes
Jason Bay
Todd Helton
Josh Hamilton
Mariano Rivera
Adam Wainwright
Ryan Franklin